The trippy rides of Mr.Ass and Raka

EPISODE 5 – Mithun and Sanjay.

2006-01-02T01:35:00.000-08:00

This is not a normal episode but an abnormal one as it features the two great actors of our time. The fact that the episode is small does not mean anything.

It starts with our charismatic characters getting drunk in a pub. They walk back home in their sine wave shaped paths. They almost got run over by a drunken lorry driver. Though safe they were in great fear. It was not the fear of dying that sneaked upon them but the fear of getting robbed. They were just men and moreover drunk men. Their fears were multifold in their inebriated state. They spoke about it to each other and came to a conclusion. The conclusion was something like “I will grab his hand and you kick him in the nuts! Later on we will pound the shit out of him.” Consoled by the great remarks they walked straight down the dark alley. When they got close to home they were greeted by the distant howling of dogs.

They had just reached home. They were welcomed by a benevolent dog that had come too close. Mr.Ass with his fear for dogs jumped up to the hands of his friend. Raka caught him and told him that it was the aroma of chicken which is exuding from his hands. The dog came close to him and wagged its tail. Mr. Ass had a different experience today. All his experiences were similar when it came to dogs. All of them ended with a racing competition where Mr.Ass always won.

The dog looked a bit cute so Raka went ahead and just tapped it on the head. Never has the world seen such wonder as Raka had seen that day. Mr.Ass tapped the dog too!! When asked why he did it, all he said was that the dog looked friendly. None of the mortals will ever know about the miracle that happened till now. This is the proof that the miracles do happen and can be experienced by mortals.

They reach home with high spirits but alas all the spirits at home were roaming in their dreams. The pair had to stand outside for a few frustrating moments till one of the spirits wandered out of the dream and to the reality of the constantly ringing door bell. The spirit says something like “I though the doorbell was ringing in my dreams.” The reply for that was a little “Fu** you!” The twin spirits now seat themselves in a comfortable corner and light a cigarette. Raka said “What do we do now! Everybody is sleeping!” Mr.Ass Replies “Screw them! Let’s watch TV”.

There they were swinging to the loud and heavy music from the Television. It was a real “Screw them” for others at home. Most of the dreaming spirits wandering in the seas of babes were aroused to the reality of the hard stone floor. The spirits once awaken from their deep sleep always have a bad effect on the person who awake them. Hence the angry curses of the once sleeping spirits changed the course of the twin spirits. They had to switch channels to less audible escapades. The Channel surfing stopped at a Hindi movie. The movie is immaterial only the characters.

There was all entertaining Govinda and the all macho Sanjay Dutt in the movie. The twin spirits were really engrossed in the movie. The movie got lots exciting when the heroes were battering the shit out of the villains. The heroes attack the pack from the top. Sanjay with a AK47 shooting at everybody around and Govinda clobbering the shit out of the sidekicks. Why there was a large scale war was never in the minds of the twin spirits. The only thing that went through their inebriated minds was the fact that they were drunk and they were having fun.

There was a turning point in the movie. Sanjay goes in to the great villain, a cruel one who does not spare children. He fires at the villain, the villain fires back. The bullets spray are allover the place but the two of them. The villain runs out of ammo. He gets behind a truck and picks up his handy sword. They look into each others eyes and the Sanjay just goes ahead and drops his fully loaded gun. I have no idea as to why he did it and neither did the twin spirits. They were actually puzzled by the proceeding. All the anguish and the pain would be over in one bullet. Why did he have to drop the gun?

With puzzled look on their faces they looked on at the movie. The villain comes forward and drops his sword and they start clobbering each other. The twin spirits say nothing else of the movie for they were madly laughing their guts out. They muster the breath to speak and Raka says “They are doing it the old fashioned way! Fuc**** barbarians!” Mr.Ass gasps out “They come, look at each other and drop their weapons and clobber each other.” Raka says “I have never seen such a movie man! Awesome man!” Mr.Ass says “Haven’t you seen Mithun Da’s movies?” “One guy with a sword runs towards two hundred guys and chops them all. What do you think others are holding?” Raka doubtfully tries answering “Guns?” Mr.Ass says “Not just guns! Big machine guns! Bullets just fly close to him. That is the greatest distance they get to him”. Raka starts with a little smirk which grows to be a booming laughter which is reciprocated. All the laughing revived the sleeping spirits to their consciousness.

That was the last time the twin souls laughed all their hearts out. For after that they were bitten, beaten and clobbered to sleep. There ended our short episode (just fooling around).

- Bye

EPISODE 4 – Mahabharatha.

2005-11-28T23:15:00.000-08:00

NOTE: The Blog can contain very little fiction and the speculations are mentioned as one. Stanch believers of the Indian mythology please don't feel bad.

The last episode left all the occupants of the hall tired. They were laughing their guts out. The confused look on the roomies face was still there. A tinge of red was an addition to his cheeks. Raka said while leaving to the bathroom “I want to take a crap! I ate so much, now all the laughing has made me a bit unstable.”
When Raka came out of the bathroom he said “I can’t find any way of closing the tap. I don’t know what is wrong” This was the time their roomy was waiting for; it was his time to rip on them. He blurted out “You drunk fools! You guys just act smart, you can’t even close a tap.” Raka could not believe that he could not close a tap. All his spectacular build could do was to weigh him down. He always thought that the booze made him stronger. He felt like a waste in life and very dejected of his being.
Finally when the sheepish smile on the roomy gave out his real purpose of the talk, he realized that the roomy was trying to rip on him he blurted out “If you do feel that Hero! Go ahead and try closing the tap!” he went into the bathroom and struggled with the tap for fifteen minutes. He comes out and says “How can I close the tap if when Raka could not close it” There was laughter, rolling and sweeping in the hall again.
From the slumber pose 1 raises a hero, the enigmatic and the mysterious Mr.Ass. He just walked into the bathroom and just shuts the tap as if he had shut it always. There were two stupefied figure standing expressionless. What their thoughts were no one could actually tell. They themselves could not tell about the feeling that was gripping them. The feeling could be only explained as of awe and a kind of fear of the superiors which subs expressed.
This triggered Mr.Ass’s spirit and he starts off with his great lectures on ‘pot’. Most part of the lecture is spanned Mahabharata era.
He goes on “During the churning of the great oceans, there came out great treasures from the ocean bed. Lord Vishnu was very interested and wanted to actively take part in the churning. His reason for the active participation was that he knew about something which the equally foolish devas and asuras never knew. He took up the koorma avatar for being the base and lent his Vasuki, the giant multi faced snake on which he rests. The Vasuki was used as a rope to churn the ocean. The first thing that came out was the amurutha and then came lots of valuable substances from the ocean floor. Among it was the herb named ‘Kali’ which seemed to have a calming influence on the body. The existence and usage was never known by the foolish asuras and devas but for tri gods of Hindu mythology.
Devas and the asuras fought like idiots for the ‘amurutha’. Poor guys little did they know the strengths of the harmless looking green herb. The tri gods took it for themselves. When the ‘ganga’ was trapped by Lord Shiva to arrest the flow of the water from heaven she got a part of the herb.”
I think Lord Shiva here looks like a sadoo baba with a cheroot by the side of his ear. Mr.Ass emphasizes on “She liked it so much that she planted it along her banks. This is how the herb gets its new name, very familiar to all of us here ‘Ganja’. This is just my speculation though. When the Americans were introduced to this new world they called it ‘Mary Jane’, and hence also the name ‘Marijuana’.”
Mr.Ass poses a question to all his pupils who were sitting there in awe and admiration of their teacher “Why do you think Lord Vishnu is always in a slumber pose even when he knows he is going to have guests?” The blank faces of his pupils made him a bit annoyed but he quickly answered his own question. “He is so stoned man! What can a stoned man do! Just lie down and laugh at the world.” The mood of the crowd changed. Everyone wanted to laugh and they laughed their guts out.
The second question came their way “Why do you think Vasuki breaths out smoke?” He answers without a moment’s gap “You know Vasuki is a drug addict. He tasted the J when he was in the ocean he could never let it go” Laughter got intense with the pupils gripping their tummies and rolling all over the floor.
The Third question came “Why do you think Lord Vishnu sleeps on Goddess Lakshmi’s lap while lying down on the Vasuki” The answer was quicker “She is his peddler! She keeps it in her pallu. ” (To the people who know a lot less about peddlers. A female peddler in India would always hide the pot in her pallu). Only a few slurred, bleak and half-muted words came from the laughing stock “yeah! Right”
The laughter went on and when his pupils took a breath he posed one more question “Why do you think Kauravas lost?” others had a puzzled look. Then Raka says “It is very well known as to why they lost! Where does the question point to?” Mr.Ass speaks with a calm composure “Kauravas lost because the Pandavas had Lord Krishna on their side (An avatar of Lord Vishnu).All Lord Krishna did was handed the Kauravas the J. Poor Kauravas never had it and they were all down on the ground during the war, laughing like idiots. The clever Pandavas had their pot before as they had a good contact, Lord Krishna. Their spirits were high and they won the fight.” The pupils had nothing to say for they could say nothing. All they could do was laugh and they did it to the extreme.
Mr.Ass says “One last thing! Mangal Pandey was one of us. That was the only fact for which he was kicked out of the British army. Habitual potter and hence removed from his office. It stirred a revolution! Now you know the power of ‘pot’! Don’t you?”
With this inspirational speech the day had to end. All the lecturing made both the pupil and the teacher sleepy. They were in no state to anything else.
There ends the night which started about 7 hours before. All the facets of their lives have been explained in these few hours. I say all of the facets because their sober lifestyles are real suck as*. This is the only things these morons can do but they do it the best.

Wait! It’s not over yet! I am really busy and would have my friend Mr.Ass to help me out with the blogs. Mr.Ass will write a few blogs to refresh your minds and help me out.

- Bye

1 The slumber pose: Sleeping in an inclined sideways position with the arm used as the head rest.

EPISODE 3 – Discussion (I don't know how many sided).

2005-11-15T07:09:00.000-08:00

Our eccentric heroes come home after their brave escapade. They smoke a few cigarettes and pounce on every one of the non-drunkards at home. Mr.Ass becomes a super WWE champion and is smacking everyone down. The sober Raka held the victims down. Raka’s bear grip and Mr.Ass’s slams made everyone mourn and sigh for their life. One of the roommates suggests that the police will be home if they hear the commotion.

The very word “Police” turned the commotion into a silence. The victorious heroes had their minds full of thoughts. As the thoughts matured their eyes were filled with rage and defiance. Their bravado was exceptional with no care for authority and the community. They wanted to eliminate all the nonsensical rules and bonds. Mr.Ass started “Why the f*** will the police come? Am I rapping someone?” Raka adds “What is his goddamn problem when the owners of our home have none?”

A reply came from on of the roomies “He will just be doing his work!” It was these words that brought the resident animal out of our heroes. The animal within them was contained within the confines of the bliss derived for the effects of the sedative. The only problem was that the sedative was a little too much to stick to its effects. All it did was aggravate them. They were literally going to pounce on their roomy and pound him to a mash. Alas!! The realization that they live in a civilized community and that they were civilized gentlemen took over.

“This guy is dead tonight” that were the words in their minds. Mr.Ass shouts out “There was a bloody robbery on the next road. What was your police doing then?” Raka adds “Jerking Off! Were they?” Mr.Ass says, “They are the worst people on the planet! All they do is to take bribes and pain harmless potters” Raka adds, “What can a potter do man! All he can do is the sit in a corner and laugh at everything that he sees” Mr.Ass says, “I say potters are better than police!! At least they do not pain people around they” Raka adds, “They are a good source of entertainment to the people looking at them. It would be a person at the pinnacle of all his emotions except the aggression.”

At the end of these words, the roomy added, “Potters are surely better than Police!!” .Our heroes thought out aloud “Hah!! What the f*** dude! Who was trying to rape whom?” They looked at each other with a puzzled look. They stared at each other for a second and burst into laughter. They could hardly sit for they were all over the floor. After they swept the filthy floor. They get up and tap the shoulder of their roomy. The roomy had no clue as to why they fell to the floor and rolled all over it. The puzzled look remained on the confused roomy.

His confused note would remain till the next exciting episode that has lots of mythology just a bit twisted for the great taste.

Bye.

EPISODE 2 – The Wall

2005-11-11T01:40:00.000-08:00

The last episode the two sloshed characters were on their way home. They swayed on their way home taking a perfect sinusoidal path. The only unique thing about the sinusoids was that they were perfectly opposite. At one point of the time they were on the opposite ends of the road and the other moment they were together at the center of the road. The swaying experience cannot be explained, this is the best of my explanation. Only a person physically present there would be able to appreciate it. The only appreciation he would give is the burst of laughter that would last a lifetime.
They were trying to judge as to which one of the houses would be so honored to receive a golden shower. There was a sudden realization that they live in a civilized society and they were honorable gentlemen. With all the confusion in the mind they reach at last reach the house they live in. Our heroes are welcomed by the rhythmic howling of dogs. Mr.Ass says “Why the f*** do they have to howl? They give me the creeps.” Raka said, “Let them come here!!! We will have a good time shoving something up their a**”
The house in which they live in is a two-storied house with a huge grilled gate. The grilled gate would reach the first floor.
The eccentric characters come home and find that the grilled gate is locked. What do they now do now? Simple answer they search for the “Bent” key. The searched frantically for the key and realize that they left it safe at home. “S***!!!Why the f*** did you have to leave the Bent Key at home?” Raka said. Mr.Ass replies sheepishly “I forgot! Sorry” “What is the wait for lets start climbing up the gate” said Mr.Ass. Raka climbed up first. His build helped him a lot by just making him slip a leg after a climb. He took a nice snake like path up the gate and to the first floor. I think this feat would put Spiderman to shame. He would have never thought of such an artistic trajectory. It was Mr.Ass’s turn now. Raka instructs him from the first floor as to where he has to place his legs to climb the gate. Midway Mr.Ass totally gets confused with the trajectory and with a frustrated look in his face lets go of both his hands and asks “Where Next!!” Surprisingly he stood there on the gate without falling. Now I should add that this feat is unimaginable to any superhuman being.
They at last get home safely and after a few fags. Start their blabber. The coming episode will give a detail description of the blabber.

Oh! Man I can’t see what I am writing. Must be that I am real drunk.

Bye

EPISODE 1 - THE LORRY

2005-11-10T05:18:00.000-08:00

For starters let me tell you a story that will just reveal the eccentricity of the two main characters.

THE LORRY

Here they start after a heavy day’s work towards the pub very close to our house (Most of the stories would have the same start --- The same pub is the starting point). They sit at the pub and order beer. This is their usual drink consumed at leisure and in “Plenty”. The most “Plenty” had been six pitchers each.
Today was a usual day. They went into the pub and ordered a pitcher of beer. It was then that the headwaiter heard their voices and came over. He recognized them from the previous day’s raucous. He came over and calmly suggested that we have a pitcher of white rum instead pitcher of beer. “Boredom is just an inch away from monotony”, they said and ordered the pitcher of white rum instead of the pitcher of beer.
Surprisingly the white rum did not look white but looked pink. It was strawberry flavored white rum. They hated strawberry but what could these poor mortals do, it had booze in it. They took three sips of the rum and they were floating in the air. The taste of the rum no longer seemed bad. They were downing the booze greedily. It was then that their favorite music started. They swayed to the music as usual.
This day was not as usual as described before because a CEO of a relatively unknown ad agency was there too. He saw the shirts (They were IIT sweat shirts) they were wearing and called them over. These guys just walked over to him and had a chat. Just after they knew that the guy was a CEO they put him in the GOD status and prayed to him. Their prayers were just circling around a job in the company. This is when they learned that “Beer cannot be bought. It can only be rented!!!”(The amount of beer you drink is proportional to the number of times you go to the toilet).
With this great knowledge and higher spirits they were leaving the pub. They never wanted to leave the newly met friend. They kept speaking about everything under the earth. The CEO starts his own sentimental story. He said that it was his parent’s anniversary but he couldn’t meet them. He read out the letter that he wrote to his parents. Letter was really affectionate except for the sporadic slur in the voice and the blur of the words.
A policeman came along and asked us to clear the place. The CEO stopped reading his letter and asked them to go home. From nowhere a person came and asked Raka for the some address. Mr.Ass says, “I will tell you the Address?” Raka says to the Person that he doesn’t know the address. Both of them were madly slurring with very little control of the words that are coming out of their mouths. Raka says “You! Shut up you are f***ing drunk!!” Mr.Ass says that he genuinely knows the place.
That person turned out to be a Lorry Driver who asked if they were interested in taking a lift. That was the first time they ever sat in a lorry they enjoyed the ride. Raka got off the lorry. He fumbled a lot in finding a proper hold for his foot. What does our Mr.Ass do now? He doesn’t care about anything like a foothold and jumps from the door into Raka’s arms. They were swaying all over road till they got to their house. The story ends with them having to climb the wall as they did not have the keys to the house.
The next episode will give a detail account of that part…

Bye.

Introduction

2005-11-10T05:09:00.000-08:00

“Was my mind blurred or the world? The world always seems to be blurred to my eye.” -myself

From the journals of the Stoners I present to thee

“The Trippy Rides of Mr. Ass and Raka.”

Lets introduce the main characters Mr.Ass and Raka.

Mr.Ass is a small person. He is a fair and quick. He stands about 5ft 7 inches tall with a perpetual grin on his face. The grin is usually mistaken for a friendly one. The people who know of the secret of his grin are the very close friends of his. The smile is so deeply filled with sarcasm that it becomes unfathomable. A complete gentleman with his tongue but his appearance does not seem so. His long curly hair and his distinct smoker’s cough make him unique. He has had issues with many hotels as the “Family” usually left when he entered the hotel. That is enough for the start. More features of the character will follow in the coming up episodes.

Raka as he will be mentioned is does not have a Mr. because he is a brute or at least looks like one. He is a bulky person. He is dark and blunt. He stands about 5 ft 11 inches tall with a smile on his face. The smile is usually mistaken for a lustful and mocking one. He is the only person who knows that it is one of the friendly ones that are so absent in this world. His appearance makes him a dreadful figure in most of the places. As of now he has had no issues as he was very well behaved with “Family”. The truth and reality of his character will unfurl in the coming episodes.

The episodes will tell you very entertaining stories. These two eccentric characters will be a good pastime for leisure reading.